1998.

 Today felt like 1998 and I feel very anxious. This is a shitty sketch I did in five minutes. I had to draw. I feel really odd. I went to the toilet but still have this quite (seemingly to my conscious mind) unfounded twisted nervous feeling inside me. It's intensity is dwindling at the moment. I don't know what it is. I woke up this morning feeling deeply sad and then as the day progressed my mood followed. The photo I drew from was taken in 1998 and the back reads, "98/99 first boyfriend? Jarek" (or Jareh.) Later an atlas of Europe lay at the foot of the stairs. I don't know what's going on.

Only in Dreams

I dreamt yesterday that I was buying a fountain pen. I could not be less interested in the Diamond Jubilee but my dad has gone and hung flags from windows and stuck bunting onto porches. He's part of the organisation of two parties of celebration. I tell you, he put less money and effort into my Birthday and Christmas combined. (Because obviously, when it comes down to it, this is all about me). This illustration is the sea of your mind and I am sailing in it, leaning over the sides and scooping your brilliance, running my fingers through it, dying of the thirst to absorb your quality.

Sloth

I wish I could just draw. It's instantly gratifying. I have a real problem with "not eating the marshmallow", that is, I can't wait things out and stick to things to see them out for a greater goal. Maybe I should get a job in manual labour. I just want instant results.

Hey

I can't stop listening to 'really bad' music at the moment. I'm ruining my own reputation with myself. I was looking through my old sketchbooks and at these old self portraits that I did. Thought I'd share. I'm good at that.

Sitting on Children

Contents

1) empty hair dye packet
2) compass
3) harmonica
4) magnetic grizzly bear
5) teeth
6) lavender candles which don't smell of lavender
7) lube
8) screwdrivers from a Christmas cracker
9) clarinet reeds
10) condoms
11) IKEA AAA batteries
12) knot of wires and broken earphones
13) Options hot chocolate sachets
14) a plaster
15) ten and a half paracetamol tablets
16) three first class stamps
17) first birthday balloons
18) spherical speakers
19) Kleenex
20) cocktail umbrellas
21) coal
22) passport
23) crude drawings (hand drawn porn)
24) floppy disk
25) musical ticket
26) broken alarm clock
27) light bulb
28) wind up torch
29) foreign money
30) Vegetarian supplement leaflet
31) a magic bean
32) Olbas inhaler
33) small blue cougar
34) lozenge
35) two plastic birds
36) two stolen hearts
37) Foals badge
38) two empty wallets
39) expired gift and loyalty cards
40) one penny
41) herbal hukka
42) a lonely straw
43) the key to a discarded toolbox
44) biro lid
45) tissue

Ever the Enthusiast.

I love Twin Peaks. I spent most of last summer watching the first series. I don't have access to the second. I adore Audrey Horne. I kind of ruined her face here. There's a choice of shitty or unfinished. Do I not spoil you? I definitely am excited to spend this coming summer watching the entire first series and film on repeat. I'm that kind of gal. So some people are going on drinking holidays with their friends this year? I'm staying in town, watching Twin Peaks and getting high off of the excitement of pressing the 'play' button for the fifth time in a day.