Today

Oh I guess now 'today' means yesterday. Yesterday I went to two exhibitions which I had been anticipating in a big way. David Hockney's A Bigger Picture at the Royal Academy of Arts and David Shrigley's Brain Activity at the Hayward Gallery. I love David Shrigley so much and was laughing in the gallery which was really nice. I spent loads of money (seventeen pounds to me is like a thousand) on a bag and a book and some postcards. The Hockney exhibition didn't really quite live up to my expectations. But I think this is in part my own fault. I hadn't researched and didn't realise that it was only his landscapes. I did really like them, but there was just a real plethora of work, and way too many people. Saying things like 'I could do this.' You could also make your own coffee, but you don't tell the Starbucks servers that. Eh. I really like the way he paints though, his use of colour makes landscapes accessible to me, personally. He made me want to paint. Which is the best feeling. The image is something I'm kind of working on at the moment. Not sure how it's going to turn out. And life is a bit messy at the moment. I feel as though it would be nice to define myself before I can talk to anyone else. I feel as though who I am is just formed from agreeing with other people..which isn't much of an identity. I also need to get a job because today my dad was stressed or had low blood sugar levels and said 'take my bank balance and spend it on drugs and alcohol', and I'd just made him food and tried to be nice to him and it came from nowhere, just because he can't be bothered to deal with his own problems and his diabetes. I feel ill at the thought of depending on someone who thinks so little of me. Which is why it is going to be god-awful going back to sixth form and begging to be able to continue despite failing, and despite failing to hand in work. Tomorrow's going to be awkward. This post is decidedly sullen, nullifying my actual tranquil and somewhat happy state. Whatevs.
www.youtube.com/embed/I33fRHbfOIA