Sloth

I wish I could just draw. It's instantly gratifying. I have a real problem with "not eating the marshmallow", that is, I can't wait things out and stick to things to see them out for a greater goal. Maybe I should get a job in manual labour. I just want instant results.

Hey

I can't stop listening to 'really bad' music at the moment. I'm ruining my own reputation with myself. I was looking through my old sketchbooks and at these old self portraits that I did. Thought I'd share. I'm good at that.

Sitting on Children

Contents

1) empty hair dye packet
2) compass
3) harmonica
4) magnetic grizzly bear
5) teeth
6) lavender candles which don't smell of lavender
7) lube
8) screwdrivers from a Christmas cracker
9) clarinet reeds
10) condoms
11) IKEA AAA batteries
12) knot of wires and broken earphones
13) Options hot chocolate sachets
14) a plaster
15) ten and a half paracetamol tablets
16) three first class stamps
17) first birthday balloons
18) spherical speakers
19) Kleenex
20) cocktail umbrellas
21) coal
22) passport
23) crude drawings (hand drawn porn)
24) floppy disk
25) musical ticket
26) broken alarm clock
27) light bulb
28) wind up torch
29) foreign money
30) Vegetarian supplement leaflet
31) a magic bean
32) Olbas inhaler
33) small blue cougar
34) lozenge
35) two plastic birds
36) two stolen hearts
37) Foals badge
38) two empty wallets
39) expired gift and loyalty cards
40) one penny
41) herbal hukka
42) a lonely straw
43) the key to a discarded toolbox
44) biro lid
45) tissue

Ever the Enthusiast.

I love Twin Peaks. I spent most of last summer watching the first series. I don't have access to the second. I adore Audrey Horne. I kind of ruined her face here. There's a choice of shitty or unfinished. Do I not spoil you? I definitely am excited to spend this coming summer watching the entire first series and film on repeat. I'm that kind of gal. So some people are going on drinking holidays with their friends this year? I'm staying in town, watching Twin Peaks and getting high off of the excitement of pressing the 'play' button for the fifth time in a day.

Shatterproof

Imagine being as resilient as a shatterproof ruler. You can't, can you? It's much too spectacular. I saw this but with the word 'Rad' on the Facebook page of somebody I don't really like, so naturally, I copied it, with a similarly stupid word. Doesn't it look so street? I'm the next Banksky, middle class people will be discussing me over their couscous any day now.

Listen to the Hairs on Your Arm.

My vandalised, sorry, personalised cover of my little sketchbook. WHSmith thought 'may your dreams take wing' was a cute thing to write on the front of it so I replaced 'dreams' with 'sanity' because hey, I'm not a fucking cliche okay. I definitely am tragic and that is what I aim for. Eurgh, bludgeon me over the head with a football trophy. I am having a fun Saturday evening singing along with Bonnie Tyler. It feels like New Year's Eve all over again. Funny story, that. I can't concentrate on the Right Things, so I'm rubbing out charcoal into diamond shapes. An obvious progression. I'd quite like to go out tonight and drink some rum. I was thinking earlier about how the only thing magazines are good for is ripping up. Also how stupid blogs are, and how I hate bloggers. (I know.) But I mean, really? You have to delight in that nobody cares. The things I hate are the things I love.

Stephanie Says

I was going to post this beautifully written (do you like my jokes?) post about depression along with a beautifully drawn (do you really LOVE my jokes?) image of a woman with her head in an oven, but then I had to catch a train. I visited my brother's girlfriend this past weekend. "Is it weird that we're going to get married?" I think she said something like this. I like her. Then again, I liked Jesus when I was five, I like Alex from A Clockwork Orange- hell, I like my ex boyfriend's mother's boyfriend. Here is a birthday card I made for my brother, finished earlier this morning. I need to make this blog better. My text tends to repeat itself in terms of phrasing and subject matter- I really am a goldfish. I can't really make it accessible to everyone due to my honest nature in both my writing and drawings. Then again, there's I suppose an extremely slim chance that anyone I talk about would find this, recognise themselves in it, and really really care. I don't know. 'It's so cold in Alaska' is in my head, from the Velvet Underground song, 'Stephanie Says'.